Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

We are back in London. It is difficult to stay in one place for more than a few days in a row. I have been having trouble with a sore shoulder so I had an appointment for an ultrasound. Wendy has had some dental work ongoing and of course there’s her mom.

Gene has not been adapting too well to the nursing home. I can’t say I would either, the place is in stress right now.  Oh, the building looks OK, only four years old, but there is an underlying feeling of general inadequacy and employee dissatisfaction. The place is under-staffed and the help is severely overworked as they deal with an ever increasingly pared-down budget.

For example, the washrooms feature the very cheapest of toilet paper and paper towels, presented in frustrating, torn, little pieces by miserly chrome dispensers.  We have observed that most of the time the call bell goes unanswered for extended periods.  Several times Gene has been forced to wait to get help to the bathroom until it was ‘too late’. Bad communication due to high employee turnover has produced some bizarre results like when they provide her with a laxative but allow toilet visits only every two hours. Of course, if these problems were rare exceptions we could overlook them but they are continuous, ongoing and seem to be getting worse. One hates to complain though in fear of recrimination.

Since nursing home fees for services are controlled by the Province, there appears to be no way for them to alleviate their cash problems. This, being a not-for-profit home should by all logic fare better than a for-profit operation but I wonder if that is the case or is this home just badly run? Are all licensed nursing homes this bad? There is a vastly negative difference between this place and the unlicensed retirement home from which she came. I realize the levels of care are different, but by comparison, the basic services like food, laundry, and social/recreational are grossly inferior at this nursing home.

All this adds to the level of stress that Wendy has to endure in dealing with the complexities of caring for her mother. She doesn’t like to be too far away in case she is needed. Last week the nursing home called to say they were sending Gene over to the hospital by taxi for x-rays. We know that this could not have worked unless Wendy was ‘on call’. Even so, the ordeal was nearly too much for Gene to handle. Hospitals are not good places for anyone to spend much time and are particularly bad for people who are mentally confused. We don't think we'll do that again unless there is absolutely no alternative.

 Gene in 1977

People with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia often alienate themselves from family and friends because of their behavior. I have to keep reminding myself that Gene is Wendy’s loving mother and she can’t help herself now. It's not her fault. She has an illness which is beyond her control and she feels like she's locked in jail. I can only try to remember her as she was years ago.  I like to recall the fun we had with her and Howard and the laughter and good times we all shared.

Click on the map to enlarge

So for now we’ll keep moving back and forth. It’s only a one hour drive down a smooth, straight road and; at least for a day or two or three every week; we can escape some of the hassles of reality. After all, that’s why we bought the condo 15 years ago. Back then we sought ‘elbow room’ and an easy escape from those more rigorous realities of life in a larger city. Now we still seek the same things but in a different context. In the big picture, our problems are few compared to those of many other people and for that we consider ourselves very fortunate. 
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